1. You spill more food on you than the local soup kitchen dispenses

2. Paramedics bring in the Jaws of Life to pry you out of the EZ-Boy

3. Your after dinner moans are loud enough to signal Dr. Kevorkian

4. The “Gravy Boat” your wife set out was a real 12′ boat !

5. The potatoes you used set off another famine in Ireland

6. You get grass stains on your butt after a walk, but never sat down

7. Your “Big Elvis Super-Belt” won’t even go around your waist

8.* You receive a Sumo Wrestler application in your e-mail

9. You set off 3 earthquake seismographs on your morning jog Friday

10. Pricking your finger for cholesterol screening only yielded gravy

11. You have 5 TV sets side-by-side to catch all the football games

12. A guest quotes a Biblical passage from “The Feeding of the 5000″

13. That rash on your stomach turns out to be steering wheel burn

14. Your wife wears a life jacket at nite in your water bed

15. Representatives from the Butterball Hall of Fame called twice

16. You consider gluttony as your patriotic duty

17. It looks like the left-overs are gonna last until Christmas

18. Your arms are too short to reach the keyboard & delete this