Hilarious Quotes
It may be that your whole purpose in life is to serve as a warning to others.
I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.
At least you’re not being rectally probed by aliens.
What if, at this very moment, you are living up to your full potential?
The more you think about things, the weirder they seem. Take this milk. Why do we drink *cow* milk?? Who was the guy who first looked at a cow and said, “I think I’ll drink whatever comes out of these things when I squeeze ’em.
My favorite poem is the one that starts “Thirty days have September” because it actually tells you something.
Eat a live toad first thing in the morning, and nothing worse can happen to you the rest of the day.
Hang in there, retirement is only thirty years away!
Do not believe in miracles, rely on them.
We all can’t be heroes. Somebody has to sit on the sides and clap as they go by.
I don’t have a solution but I admire the problem.
My ambition is to live forever – so far, so good!
Don’t follow in my footsteps, because I run into a lot of walls.
Sanity calms, but madness is more interesting.
Don’t talk about yourself so much… we’ll do that when you leave.
If you try and don’t succeed, cheat. Repeat until caught. Then lie.
This morning I looked down at my unmade bed and decided that it was art in another medium and I should not destroy it.
If you can’t say anything nice…come sit by us.
Know what I’m thinking? No. Neither do I; frightening, isn’t it?
If at first you don’t succeed, failure may be your style.
Never say “OOPS!” always say “Ah, Interesting!”
This isn’t burger king, you can’t have it your way.
My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance.
If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you’ve never tried before.
July 27, 2009 @ 10:41 am
Sooooooo good… Mine would be…. Don’t follow in my footsteps, Because I run into too many walls……… Good one and so true…….. 🙂
July 27, 2009 @ 8:59 am
“My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance.”…this is me hahahahahaha
July 27, 2009 @ 8:23 am
so deep in meaning…I Love it…Betty get in touch
July 27, 2009 @ 6:54 am
If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you’ve never tried before. Like this one most.
July 27, 2009 @ 4:31 am
lovely way to start my week. Keep it coming.
July 27, 2009 @ 2:14 am
hmmmmmmmmm scary….. i actually totaly agree with alot of these!! learn to laugh at yourself as in life most people will not take you seriously anyway…..
July 27, 2009 @ 1:44 am
only thing about this is some people use these to talk about others and at others an i learned that wen someone think evil are speak bad about you that they hate themslef and are very unhappy some females call other ladies Cows because they are evny jealous and wish they had .nice sexy breast as she do well theses saying are for haters and (this is my burger king i always have it my way a. great saying what others meanth for EVIL know GOD ALWAYS TURN IT AROUND AN WORK IT FOR GREAT GOOD FOR THOSE WHO LOVE OTHERS AND EXPECTLY THOSES THAT SPEAK NO EVIL OF ENEMIES..THIS A GREAT SAYING LIVE BY IT ..
July 26, 2009 @ 7:59 pm
Not really quotes to live by but funny anyway.
July 26, 2009 @ 6:57 pm
I love it! It’s awesome.!
April 5, 2009 @ 4:36 pm
haha thats so funny