Funny Jokes: Two Blonde Carpenters & Hunting with Son

Joke #1

Two blonde carpenters are building a house…

One is on a ladder nailing.

She reaches into her nail pouch, pulls out a nail, looks at it, and either tosses it over her shoulder or proceeds to nail it into the wood.

The other carpenter can’t stand it any longer and yells, “Why are you throwing some of the nails away?”

The first carpenter explains, “When I pull it out of my nail pouch, if it’s pointed toward me, I throw it away… ”

“If it’s pointed toward the house, then I can use it!”

The second blonde carpenter gets really excited, calls her all kinds of names, then yells…

“Don’t throw those nails away that are pointed toward you!”

“They’re for the other side of the house!”

Joke #2

A father and son went hunting together for the first time…

The father said, “Stay here and be very quiet, I’ll be across the field.”

A little while later, the father heard a bloodcurdling scream, so he ran back to his son.

“What’s wrong?” the father asked, “I thought I told you to be quiet.”

The boy answered, “Look, I was quiet when the snake slithered across my feet… ”

“I was quiet when the bear breathed down my neck… ”

“I didn’t move a muscle when the skunk climbed over my shoulder… ”

“I closed my eyes and held my breath when the wasp stung me… ”

“I didn’t cough when I swallowed the gnat… ”

“I didn’t swear or scratch when the poison oak started itching… ”

“But when the two squirrels crawled up my trouser leg… ”

“I just panicked when I heard one of them say… ”

“Should we eat them here or take them with us?”