Funny Epitaphs
Here lies my wife
Here let her lie
Now she has peace
And so do I
She caught a chill
while picking peas
in the rain and died.
I told you I was sick!
Here lies Lester Moore,
Four slugs from a forty-four.
No Les, No Moore.
In loving memory of Ellen Shannon, aged 25,
Who was accidentally burned March 21, 1870,
By the explosion of a lamp filled with R.E. Danforth’s Non-explosive burning fluid.
Here lies an atheist,
All dressed up and,
No place to go.
Here lays Butch,
We planted him raw.
He was quick on the trigger,
But slow on the draw.
She lived with her husband fifty years
And died in the confident hope of a better life.
In Memory of Beza Wood
Departed this life Nov. 2, 1837 Aged 45 yrs.
Here lies one Wood
Enclosed in wood
One Wood within another.
The outer wood is very good:
We cannot praise the other.
Sacred to the memory of my husband John Barnes who died January 3, 1803
His comely young widow,
aged 23, has many qualifications of a good wife,
and yearns to be comforted.
Ann Mann
Here lies Ann Mann,
Who lived an old maid
But died an old Mann.
Dec. 8, 1767
Harry Edsel Smith
Born 1903–Died 1942
Looked up the elevator shaft
to see if the car was on
the way down.
It was.
Honey you don’t know
what you did for me,
Always playing the lottery.
The numbers you picked
came in to play,
Two days after you passed away.
For this,
a huge monument I do erect,
For now I get a yearly check.
How I wish you were alive,
For now we are worth 8.5
(Actual epitaph of Elizabeth Rich,
Eufala, Alabama)
Under the sod,
Under the trees,
Lies the body of
Bolivar Peas,
Peas ain’t here,
Only the pod,
Peas shelled out
and went home to God.
Happy Halloween!
November 2, 2011 @ 2:07 am
Crackers. I found nearly all of them just Classic.
October 30, 2011 @ 11:59 pm
Loved the one on Elisabeth Rich. My husband keeps playing the lottery but hasn’t won yet. Maybe if he does die, God forbid, I’ll win in his place. But really, thats no way to win money! They were all funny.
October 30, 2010 @ 4:23 am
beza wood was hilarious yeah and the other lady told them she was sick but they never listened and meza i agree bolivier peas was a gem
October 27, 2010 @ 3:20 am
Boliver peas was very FUNNY!!!!!
October 26, 2010 @ 8:49 pm
Some of these are priceless! Love the one “married 50 years” and the Elizabeth Rich one. The Atheist one is good too.
May 3, 2010 @ 10:16 am
i liked that elizbeth rich one
November 3, 2009 @ 5:41 am
like d one about d atheist LMAO
October 31, 2009 @ 7:34 am
there sure are some beauties amoungst that lot… I guess if you really want to know what your/my nearest and dearest thought of you/me i would have to go read my tombstone LOL
October 31, 2009 @ 3:33 am
Bolivar Peas was funny!
October 31, 2009 @ 12:43 am
I laughed at the one about Elizbeth Rich Yet feel sorry for her.