Funny Epitaphs

Here lies my wife
Here let her lie
Now she has peace
And so do I

She caught a chill
while picking peas
in the rain and died.

I told you I was sick!

Here lies Lester Moore,
Four slugs from a forty-four.
No Les, No Moore.

In loving memory of Ellen Shannon, aged 25,
Who was accidentally burned March 21, 1870,
By the explosion of a lamp filled with R.E. Danforth’s Non-explosive burning fluid.

Here lies an atheist,
All dressed up and,
No place to go.

Here lays Butch,
We planted him raw.
He was quick on the trigger,
But slow on the draw.

She lived with her husband fifty years
And died in the confident hope of a better life.

In Memory of Beza Wood
Departed this life Nov. 2, 1837 Aged 45 yrs.
Here lies one Wood
Enclosed in wood
One Wood within another.
The outer wood is very good:
We cannot praise the other.

Sacred to the memory of my husband John Barnes who died January 3, 1803
His comely young widow,
aged 23, has many qualifications of a good wife,
and yearns to be comforted.

Ann Mann
Here lies Ann Mann,
Who lived an old maid
But died an old Mann.
Dec. 8, 1767

Harry Edsel Smith
Born 1903–Died 1942
Looked up the elevator shaft
to see if the car was on
the way down.
It was.

Honey you don’t know
what you did for me,
Always playing the lottery.
The numbers you picked
came in to play,
Two days after you passed away.
For this,
a huge monument I do erect,
For now I get a yearly check.
How I wish you were alive,
For now we are worth 8.5
(Actual epitaph of Elizabeth Rich,
Eufala, Alabama)