Your Helpful Emails
I just want to thank all of you for your educational email’s over the past year.
Thanks to you, I no longer open a public bathroom door without using a paper towel.
I can’t use the remote in a hotel room because I don’t know what the last person was doing while flipping through the adult movie channels.
I can’t sit down on the hotel bedspread because I can only imagine what has happened on it since it was last washed.
I have trouble shaking hands with someone who has been driving because the number one pastime while driving alone is picking your nose. (although cell phone usage may be taking the number one spot) .
And don’t forget…lemons!!!! Don’t get them in your drinks (if they still have the peel). Dirty hands a re everywhere!!!!
Eating a Little Debbie sends me on a guilt trip because I can only imagine how many gallons of trans fats I have consumed over the years.
I can’t touch any woman’s purse for fear she has placed it on the floor of a public bathroom. Yuck!
I must send my special thanks to whoever sent me the one about poop in the glue on envelopes because I now have to use a wet sponge with every envelope that needs sealing.
Also, now I have to scrub the top of every can I open for the same reason.
I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl (Penny Brown) who is about to die in the hospital for the 1,387,258th time.
I no longer have any money at all, but that will change once I receive the $15,000 that Bill Gates/Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating in their special e-mail program. I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels looking out for me, and St. Theresa’s novena has granted my every wish.
I no longer eat KFC because their chickens are actually horrible mutant freaks with no eyes or feathers.
I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day.
Thanks to you, I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I forward an email to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes.
Because of your concern I no longer drink Coca Cola because it can remove toilet stains.
I no longer can buy gasoline without taking someone along to watch the car so a serial killer won’t crawl in my back seat when I’m pumping gas.
I no longer drink Pepsi or Dr. Pepper since the people who make these products are atheists who refuse to put ‘Under God’ on their cans.
I no longer use Saran wrap in the microwave because it causes cancer.
And thanks for letting me know I can’t boil a cup of water in the microwave anymore because it will blow up in my face…disfiguring me for life.
I no longer check the coin return on pay phones because I could be pricked with a needle infected with AIDS.
I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with a perfume sample and rob me.
I no longer receive packages from UPS or FedEx since they are actually Al Qaeda in disguise.
I no longer shop at Target since they are French and don’t support our American troops or the Salvation Army.
I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a number for which I will get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica , Uganda , Singapore and Uzbekistan .
I no longer buy expensive cookies from Neiman Marcus since I now have their recipe.
Thanks to you, I can’t use anyone’s toilet but mine because a big brown African spider is lurking under the seat to cause me instant death when it bites my butt.
And thanks to your great advice, I can’t ever pick up $5.00 dropped in the parking lot because it probably was placed there by a sex molester waiting underneath my car to grab my leg.
I can no longer drive my car because I can’t buy gas from certain gas companies!
If you don’t send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people in the next 70 minutes, a large dove with diarrhea will land on your head at 5:00 PM this afternoon and the fleas from 12 camels will infest your back, causing you to grow a hairy hump. I know this will occur because it actually happened to a friend of my next door neighbor’s ex-mother-in-law’s second husband’s cousin’s beautician…
Have a wonderful day….
Oh, by the way……
A German scientist from Argentina , after a lengthy study, has discovered that people with insufficient brain activity read their e-mail with their hand on the mouse.
Don’t bother taking it off now, it’s too late.
July 20, 2009 @ 9:45 am
i have a laptop, and i have to hold the button down to scroll. lol 🙂
March 11, 2014 @ 7:26 am
My spouse and I stumbled over here from a different website and
thought I may as well check things out. I like what I see so now i am following you.
Look forward to looking into your web page for a
second time.
March 11, 2014 @ 4:17 pm
These are actually fantastic ideas in on the topic of blogging.
You have touched some fastidious things here. Any way keep
up wrinting.
March 14, 2014 @ 2:12 am
And given that this is fully touch display screen it suggests that you don’t need
to carry a keyboard with you in buy to type a character when editing
or click on the icons on the display screen. If you enter into a electronics and computers market or stores, you will find there are
many types of Android tablet PCs, moreover, a lot of people are shopping, especially when there are lots of
sales and discounts offered about some best-selling Android tablet PCs,
some of Android tablet PCs are even worth buying for customers.
Each and every company wants to mesmerize customer with their own product of
android tab.
January 26, 2015 @ 6:46 am
Hello every one, here every one is sharing these knowledge, thus it’s good to read this web site,
and I used to pay a quick visit this blog all the time.
January 26, 2015 @ 12:47 pm
I relish, cause I found exactly what I used to be looking for.
You have ended my 4 day long hunt! God Bless you man. Have a nice day.
Bye
February 10, 2015 @ 2:07 pm
Thanks , I’ve just been searching for information about this topic for ages and yours is the greatest I’ve found out so far.
But, what concerning the bottom line? Are you sure
about the source?
February 17, 2015 @ 1:44 am
My partner and I stumbled over here from a different web page and
thought I might check things out. I like what I see so now i
am following you. Look forward to checking out your web page
repeatedly.
February 19, 2015 @ 2:36 pm
Great post. I am dealing with some of these issues
as well..
March 7, 2015 @ 8:51 pm
I used to be recommended this blog by means of my cousin. I’m not sure whether this put
up is written via him as no one else know such distinct approximately my trouble.
You’re incredible! Thanks!