Witty Sayings
1) One of the best feelings in the world is emptying your pockets in the evening, and knowing you can leave all the junk there until the next day.
2) Those who have guinea pigs never have to throw out any vegetables.
3) If you wear a silly hat, everyone knows who you are.
4) No one likes a smartass
4′) Especially another smartass.
4″) Unless they have their own TV show, then they’re a comic genius.
5) Arguing with a zealot is only slightly easier than tunneling through a mountain with your forehead.
6) Anyone capable of getting themselves elected president has shown that they should not be allowed to do the job. (Apologies to Douglas Adams)
7) Violence is the last refuge of the incompetent. (Isaac Asmiov)
8 ) Right, because usually the compentent don’t wait that long. (Jerry Pournelle)
9) Once is chance, twice is a coincidence, three times is an enemy action. (Ian Fleming, Goldfinger)
10) Never turn your back on a charging turtle.
11) Never get in a spitting contest with a llama.
12) Projectile vomiting rarely gets you a return invitation anywhere.
13) Never throw toilet paper on a bear.
14) Hyenas laugh becasue they know what’s coming next.
15) Shooting yourself in the foot is actually a lot more fun than it sounds.
15′) Shooting yourself in the foot is actually a lot less fun than nearly anything else.
16) Calling your mother and pretending to be an encyclopedia salesman doesn’t go over too well.
17) The prime motivation for all human behavior is the need to feel superior to someone else.
18) He who laughs last should do so from a safe distance.
19) Do not taunt Happy Fun Ball.
20) The words “My” “Rash” “See” and “Wanna” don’t go well together in a sentence.
21a) When given a choice, people will always do the dumbest thing under the circumstances.
21b) The IQ of a mob can be determined by taking the IQ of the dumbest member, and dividing by the number of members.
21c) Therefore: The larger the number of people, the stupider the resultant decisions and actions (congress anyone?)
22) Never ever go first.
23) When being stalked by an angry mob with raspberries, the first thing to do is to release a tiger. (Monty Python)
24) Rain on your wedding day is NOT ironic unless you’re made of sugar.
25) Never take yourself too seriously, and mock those who do.
25′) Also be sure to mock people who take themselves too seriously.
25″) Those who never take anything too seriously have a distinct advantage over those who do.
26) The more you understand, the crazier you get.
27) Bad losers make worse winners.
28) The quickest way to make someone ignore you is to start a sentence with “You should …”
29) People who habitually give advice are the worst people to take advice from.
30) If you insist on getting your way often enough, pretty soon you won’t have to argue with anyone about it anymore.
31) Peoples’ names should not be verbs or adjectives.
32) There’s nothing wrong with the world that shooting 99% of the population wouldn’t cure.
33) All indicators show that the human race is selectively breeding itself for stupidity.
34) If “obscene” words were made a part of common everyday language, after a week, no one would care anymore.
34′) After two weeks, a new batch of “obscene” words will have been invented.
35) One of the most important things to learn is when to quit while you’re ahead.
35′) Most people never learn.
36) Anyone who says exactly what you want to hear knows it.
37) Anger is easy, anger at the right person, at the right time, for the right reason, that’s hard. (Ulysses)
38) You can live for many causes, but you can only die for one. Pick that one very carefully.
39) Never allow anything to be named after you until you’re safely dead.
40) No corpse, no death. (DC Comics)
40′) Even if there is a corpse, they still may not be dead. (DC Comics)
40″) Don’t believe everything you read in comic books.
43) Dying is easy, living is hard.
44) You can always get more with a kind word and a 2-by-4 than with just a kind word. (Marcus)
45) The beauty of the American system of government is that you could wipe out the executive, legislative, and judicial branches, and 99% of the population wouldn’t notice.
46) If you always tell the truth, people will stop believing you. (based on Richard Feynman’s life)
47) Some people just never learn.
48) Most things in this world are done for no good reason.
49) Any gift that can’t be thrown away is really a trap. (Dr. Morgenes, via Tad Williams)
February 27, 2010 @ 5:11 am
Ziz, What the hell kind of language do you speak…
February 27, 2010 @ 5:11 am
Excellent.
November 10, 2015 @ 11:07 pm
Christmas Sony Camera Deals 2012 on Light It Up This Christmasnot everyone would need a nose job but my girlnriefd really needs some rhinoplasty coz her nose is kind of…
October 26, 2009 @ 5:11 pm
ADD THIS ” WE THE UNWILLING, LED BY THE UNKNOWING, ARE DOING THE IMPOSSIBLE FOR THE UNGRATEFUL, WE HAVE DONE SO MUCH FOR SO LONG WITH SO LITTLE, WE ARE NOW QUALIFIED TO DO ANYTHING WITH NOTHING”.
October 26, 2009 @ 5:49 am
@tony…be sure u’r gonna b among d 99% dat’ll be killed…..ha ha ha..
October 8, 2009 @ 12:46 am
lots of good ones but some are dfinitely not worth it. i like the one about kiiling 99% of the world’s population as a solution to the world’s prob cause that will be a really solution.
November 10, 2015 @ 10:06 pm
that Whale’s FTL identity will shock us and also beucsae we already have a wolf, of sorts, with Red.Except for Cora popping up in Mulan’s corner of FTL, I would be absolutely sure she is the Queen of Hearts. Interesting observation about the heart on the cover of the book of spells. Hearts have so many meanings in OUAT they are what Cora and Regina use to kill, they are the ability to love that Regina sacrificed (except, perhaps, when it comes to Henry) when she killed her father, they are the love that is the most powerful type of magic I didn’t mind Mulan as much this time beucsae she had so much less screen time. I think the desert section of FTL just got a whole lot more interesting now that we know that Cora is in it.
October 6, 2009 @ 4:20 pm
I’m posting some of this on facebook.I rate this a 10.
October 6, 2009 @ 3:24 pm
they spelled “because” wrong on 14 HAHAHAHAHAHA!
October 6, 2009 @ 11:24 am
@MEZA GOOD ONE!
October 6, 2009 @ 10:59 am
Men! this is funny but very rich. Keep it up dude.
October 6, 2009 @ 6:15 am
never volunteer to volunteer Hero’s are born for it, fools are excuses
as to Why whatever it was failed.