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Joke #1
A man gets a flat tire outside the fence of an insane asylum…
While he’s changing the tire, he sees a patient on the other side of the fence observing him so he hurries.
He gets the flat off and puts the spare on, but rushing to get out of there, he accidentally drops all 4 lug nuts down a drain.
While he’s standing there staring at the spare with no lugs to secure it…
He hears the patient on the other side of the fence say, “Hey Mister!”
He calmly replies, “Yes?”
The patient inquires, “Whatcha doin?”
He explains his predicament and the patient asks, “Why don’t you just take one lug nut off each of the other 3 wheels… “
“And put them on the spare to get you where you’re going?”
The man, surprised, says, “That’s a really good idea!”
“Why are you locked up in there? You’re really smart!”
The patient replies, “I’m crazy… “
“Not stupid.”
Joke #2
A man is on trial for murder, and if convicted, will get the electric chair…
His brother learns that a redneck is on the jury and figures he will be the best one to bribe.
He tells the redneck, “I will pay you $10,000 if you can convince the rest of the jury to reduce the charge to manslaughter.”
After being out for an entire week, the jury finally returns with a verdict of manslaughter.
After the trial, the brother visits the redneck, “You really did a great job!… “
“Here is the $10,000 that I promised you.”
The red neck replies, “Ya know, it wasn’t easy to convince the rest of the jury to change the charge to manslaughter… “
“They all thought he was not guilty and wanted to let him go.”
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