Funny Jokes: Dying Wish & Rectal Exam

In the nursing home, Doug was nearing his last few breaths. His nurse, his wife, his daughter, and two sons were with him. He asked that two witnesses be present and a camcorder be in place to record his last wishes. When all was ready, he began to speak. “My son Beanie, I want you to take the Mayfair houses. My daughter Sybil, you take the apartments over the East End. My son Jamie, I want you to take over the offices in the city center. And Sarah, my dear wife, please take all the residential buildings on the banks of the river.” The nurse and witnesses were blown away as they did not realize his extensive holdings. As old Doug slipped away, the nurse said to Mrs. Smith, “Your husband must have been such a hard-working man to have accumulated all this property.” His wife replied, “Property? The old bugger had a paper route!”

In another scene, I went to my proctologist’s office for my first rectal exam. The new nurse, Cindy, took me to an examining room and told me to get undressed and have a seat until the doctor could see me. She said that he would only be a few minutes. After putting on the gown that she gave me, I sat down while waiting. I observed that there were three items on a stand next to the examination table: a tube of KY Jelly, a rubber glove, and a beer. When the doctor finally came in, I said, “Look, doc, I’m a little confused as this is my first exam. I know what the KY is used for, and I can guess what the glove is for, but can you tell me what the beer is for?” At that, the doctor became noticeably outraged and stormed over to the door. He flung the door open and yelled to the nurse, “Damn it, Cindy! I said a butt light!”