Funny Joke: No Smoking & Neighbor’s Text

Joke #1

While at a gas station, a man noticed a woman smoking as she was filling up her car.

He thought to himself, that sure is a silly thing to do…

but he knew better than to confront strangers about their stupidity.

He sees two policemen on the other side of the street.

They can see the woman smoking but aren’t doing anything about it.

As the man is going to the cashier, to pay for his gas…

he hears loud screaming behind him.

He looks around and sees that this woman’s arm is on fire!

She is literally running around the gas station waving her arm in the air!

The policemen jump into action at this point and put the fire out.

They then arrest the woman and handcuff her!

The man thought this was harsh, and that the woman should be going to the hospital, not jail.

So, he asked one of the policemen why they were arresting her.

The cop replied…

“For waving a firearm in public.”

Joke #2

A guy sends a text to his next-door neighbor…

“Sam, I’m sorry.”

“I’ve been riddled with guilt, and I have to confess.”

“I have been helping myself to your wife when you’re not around, probably more than you.”

“It’s been so incredible and fun, I’ve not been able to stop myself.”

“Sometimes it goes on for hours and hours.”

“I know it’s no excuse, but I don’t get it at home.”

“I can’t live with the guilt any longer.”

“I hope you’ll accept my sincerest apology.”

“It won’t happen again.”

Feeling outrage and betrayed, Sam grabs his gun, goes into the bedroom, and without a word, shoots his wife.

Moments later the guy gets a second text.

“Damn auto-correct!… “

“I meant to say wi-fi!”