Satan was doing his usual morning rounds in Hell, clipboard in hand, checking off the newly arrived souls.
The air smelled faintly of brimstone and bad decisions.
He stopped in front of a nervous-looking man standing at the Gates of Eternal Damnation, still holding his phone like he was about to scroll Instagram one last time.
“Ah, welcome!” Satan said cheerfully, with a grin that could curdle holy water.
“Congratulations, you’ve officially wasted your entire pitiful life! You ignored every warning, accomplished absolutely nothing of value, and now—” he snapped his claws—”here you are. Eternity in my care!”
The man sighed and shrugged.
“Well… it’s not like I had a lot of good options.”
Satan raised an eyebrow.
“Oh, please. Don’t start with the excuses. You had time for twelve hours of screen time a day, but somehow never enough to get your life together.”
The man looked around at the lava pits, the screams, the eternal despair, and said, “Hey, at least I’m not an adult living in my father’s basement.”
