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Walmart Diagnosis

July 30th, 2009

walmart

One day, in line at the company cafeteria, Joe says to Mike, “My elbow hurts like crazy. I guess I better see a doctor.”

“Listen, you don’t have to spend that kind of money,” Mike replies. “There’s a diagnostic computer down at Wal-Mart. Just give it a urine sample and the
computer will tell you what’s wrong and what to do about it. It takes ten seconds and costs ten dollars… a lot cheaper than a doctor.”

So Joe puts a urine sample in a small jar and takes it to Wal-Mart. He deposits ten dollars, and the computer lights up and asks for the urine sample. He pours
the sample into the slot and waits.

Ten seconds later, the computer ejects a printout:

“You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water and avoid heavy activity. It will improve in two weeks. Thank you for shopping at Wal-Mart.”

That evening while thinking how amazing this new technology was, Joe began wondering if the computer could be fooled. He mixed some tap water, a stool sample from his dog, urine samples from his wife and daughter, and a sperm
sample for good measure. Joe hurried back to Wal-Mart, eager to check the results.

He deposited ten dollars, poured in his concoction, and awaited the results. The computer then prints the following:

1. Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener. (Aisle 9)

2. Your dog has ringworm. Bathe him with anti-fungal shampoo. (Aisle 7)

3. Your daughter has a cocaine habit. Get her into rehab.

4. Your wife is pregnant; twins. They aren’t yours. Get a lawyer.

5. If you don’t stop playing with yourself, your elbow will never get better.

Thank you for shopping at Wal-Mart

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  1. Jean
    July 30th, 2009 at 22:30 | #1

    Oh Yes, that is why I shop at Wal-Mart. LOL

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  2. charlie
    July 31st, 2009 at 11:48 | #2

    i like this computer,where can i get one???

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  3. legbii
    August 4th, 2009 at 11:38 | #3

    be careful of what you feed into a computer, u never can tell what will come out

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  4. deb
    August 4th, 2009 at 11:41 | #4

    And Walmart has just taken over the world, (ha, ha, )
    with this machine,

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  5. brenda
    August 4th, 2009 at 14:00 | #5

    thats gross but they need one there

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  6. Arlene
    August 4th, 2009 at 16:32 | #6

    Doubtful thomas good for him

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  7. Kat
    August 4th, 2009 at 17:08 | #7

    I luv that machine thingy

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  8. okosisi abagana
    August 4th, 2009 at 19:18 | #8

    that implies that whatever u input is what u get as an output, what u sow u reaps, what goes around comes around and u cant just fool that rather u fool ur self as joe did with d wal mart computer.

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  9. brenda chandle
    August 4th, 2009 at 20:28 | #9

    we need a machine like that at our wal-mart, i would like to take my husbands urine sample in for a reading…

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  10. b. c.
    August 4th, 2009 at 20:32 | #10

    i need this machine…

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  11. b. c.
    August 4th, 2009 at 20:34 | #11

    b. c.

    brenda chandle :we need a machine like that at our wal-mart, i would like to take my husbands urine sample in for a reading…
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    please wait…

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  12. Margarette
    August 4th, 2009 at 20:47 | #12

    I can hear it now, “Clean-up on aisle 3″!!!! I think I’ll pass.

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  13. rjenk14
    August 4th, 2009 at 21:36 | #13

    Who are you kidding?, Feeding this machine all these body fluids ? I am staying away from this machine due to AIDS!!!!!! LOL!!!!! Is their a machine that has a cure for that???? LOL!!!!

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  14. Margarette
    August 4th, 2009 at 23:57 | #14

    Can’t you hear it now, “Clean-up on aisle 3″? I think I’ll pass!

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  15. Ching
    August 5th, 2009 at 00:34 | #15

    Welcome to Walmart Get ur s*** and get out lmao i love walmart… slowly they are taking over the world… actually quite fast…

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  16. rama
    August 5th, 2009 at 03:43 | #16

    Thats really funny that one is really good one.

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  17. lovey
    August 5th, 2009 at 17:55 | #17

    tee-hee

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  18. saby
    August 5th, 2009 at 22:47 | #18

    hahha,hhehehehe.

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  19. Elma
    August 7th, 2009 at 05:02 | #19

    I need the machine where can I get one?

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  20. sweetliet
    August 10th, 2009 at 07:41 | #20

    im less concern

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  21. Jean
    August 10th, 2009 at 14:03 | #21

    ALMA & BRENDA YOU ARE KIDDING, RIGHT?

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  22. mabz
    August 12th, 2009 at 04:28 | #22

    Thatz cool,let me hope Nakumatt has such machine.

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  23. Mary
    August 26th, 2009 at 15:56 | #23

    This is funny!

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