| Types of Sex
SOCIAL SECURITY SEX:
Two men were talking. "So, how's your sex life?"
"Oh, nothing special. I'm having Social Security sex."
"Social Security sex?"
"Yeah, you know: I get a little each month, but not
enough to live on!"
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LOUD SEX:
A wife went in to see a therapist and said,
"I've got a big problem, doctor. Every time we're in
bed and my husband climaxes, he lets out this ear splitting
yell."
"My dear," the shrink said, "that's completely
natural. I don't see what the problem is." "The
problem is," she complained, "It wakes me up!"
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QUIET SEX:
Tired of a listless sex life, the man came right out and
asked his wife during a recent lovemaking session, "How
come you never tell me when you have an orgasm?" She
glanced at him casually and replied, "You're never
home!"
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CONFOUNDED SEX:
A man was in a terrible accident, and his
"manhood" was mangled and tornfro m his body. His
doctor assured him that modern medicine could give him back
his manhood, but that his insurance wouldn't cover the surgery,
since it was considered cosmetic. The doctor said the cost
would be $3,500 for "small, $6,500 for "medium,
$14,000 for "large."
The man was sure he would want a medium or large, but
the doctor urged him to talk it over with his wife before
he made any decision.
The
man called his wife on the phone and explained their
options. The doctor came back into the room, and found
the man looking dejected. "Well, what have the two
of you decided?" asked the
doctor. The man answered, "She'd rather remodel the
kitchen".
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WEDDING ANNIVERSARY SEX:
A husband and his wife had a bitter quarrel on the day
of their 40th wedding anniversary. The husband yells, "When
you die, I'm getting you a headstone that reads:
'Here Lies My Wife - Cold As Ever'."
"Yeah," she replies, "When
you die, I'm getting you a headstone reads:
'Here Lies My Husband - Stiff At Last.'"
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WOMEN'S HUMOR:
My husband came home with a tube of K Y jelly and said, "This
will make you happy tonight." He was right. When he
went out of the bedroom, I squirted it all over the doorknobs.
He couldn't get back in.
A couple is lying
in bed. The man says, "I am going
to make you the happiest woman in the world." The
woman says..... "I'll miss you."
Posted By: hot
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