Hilarious Quotes
It may be that your whole purpose in life is to serve as a warning to others.
I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.
At least you’re not being rectally probed by aliens.
What if, at this very moment, you are living up to your full potential?
The more you think about things, the weirder they seem. Take this milk. Why do we drink *cow* milk?? Who was the guy who first looked at a cow and said, “I think I’ll drink whatever comes out of these things when I squeeze ‘em.
My favorite poem is the one that starts “Thirty days have September” because it actually tells you something.
Eat a live toad first thing in the morning, and nothing worse can happen to you the rest of the day.
Hang in there, retirement is only thirty years away!
Do not believe in miracles, rely on them.
We all can’t be heroes. Somebody has to sit on the sides and clap as they go by.
I don’t have a solution but I admire the problem.
My ambition is to live forever – so far, so good!
Don’t follow in my footsteps, because I run into a lot of walls.
Sanity calms, but madness is more interesting.
Don’t talk about yourself so much… we’ll do that when you leave.
If you try and don’t succeed, cheat. Repeat until caught. Then lie.
This morning I looked down at my unmade bed and decided that it was art in another medium and I should not destroy it.
If you can’t say anything nice…come sit by us.
Know what I’m thinking? No. Neither do I; frightening, isn’t it?
If at first you don’t succeed, failure may be your style.
Never say “OOPS!” always say “Ah, Interesting!”
This isn’t burger king, you can’t have it your way.
My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance.
If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you’ve never tried before.
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haha thats so funny
I love it! It’s awesome.!
Not really quotes to live by but funny anyway.
only thing about this is some people use these to talk about others and at others an i learned that wen someone think evil are speak bad about you that they hate themslef and are very unhappy some females call other ladies Cows because they are evny jealous and wish they had .nice sexy breast as she do well theses saying are for haters and (this is my burger king i always have it my way a. great saying what others meanth for EVIL know GOD ALWAYS TURN IT AROUND AN WORK IT FOR GREAT GOOD FOR THOSE WHO LOVE OTHERS AND EXPECTLY THOSES THAT SPEAK NO EVIL OF ENEMIES..THIS A GREAT SAYING LIVE BY IT ..
hmmmmmmmmm scary….. i actually totaly agree with alot of these!! learn to laugh at yourself as in life most people will not take you seriously anyway…..
lovely way to start my week. Keep it coming.
If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you’ve never tried before. Like this one most.
so deep in meaning…I Love it…Betty get in touch
“My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance.”…this is me hahahahahaha
Sooooooo good… Mine would be…. Don’t follow in my footsteps, Because I run into too many walls……… Good one and so true……..
Far side of the world ” Always choose the lesser of 2 Weevils” I like that one. ( The movie )
But seriously; I think that most of them are a grandfathered way to look at life ahead. Madness IS more interesting!!! I know from experience:) How about some more?
Don’t force it! Hit it with a bigger hammer! If you force it, it will break! These things must be dealt with delicately. I’ll get you my pretty,,, And your little dog too!! A little to the left,, OH s… I meant the OTHER left!
@she
I love that one:):):):)
@cherie
I agree cherie. But the power used to hate is wasted:( I used up most of my life not knowing, and half of the time I had to remind myself that ” The past is not the future. If you dream, then that is all you do.” If you hate, then that is what you get. If you wait, then the times and trials that you went through to get here have lead you to where you are supposed to be. Stop walking into walls. ” ‘See the writing on the wall’ Tell your friends ” I love you ” .
it is true to say…i don’t hv solution but i admire da problem…also ma ambition is live forever and wht is God’s wil so dat i can see da kingdom of heaven, yawa……
Pearls of wisdom, but my favorite was “my idea of housework is to sweep a room with a glance!” I couldn’t agree more!
Hehe…