Blowing a Woman Off
Men often consider blowing off a woman the most difficult part of the
dating process. The closest they ever get to telling a woman it's over
is to look her straight in the eye and say, "I'll call you next week."
But now there is a great way to blow a woman off.
It's safe, it's affordable, and the best thing is the female has no
opportunity to throw things at you.
It's at your fingertips right now: E-mail!
That's how all the happening, modern kind of guys are telling women
they are not worthy. You'll feel like a real man knowing you have told
her how you really feel from the safety of your keyboard.
And you can delete her response without ever reading it!
What could be more painless?
Following is an e-mail rejection letter.
Men can use it the next time they need to put their main squeeze on
notice. The text of the letter follows:
Dear [her name],
I regret to inform you that you have been eliminated from further
contention to become the future Mrs. [your last name].
As you are probably aware, the competition was exceedingly tough this
year and dozens of other well-qualified candidates such as yourself
also failed to make the final cut. I will, however, keep your name on
file should an opening become available.
So that you may find better success in your future romantic endeavours,
please allow me to offer the following reasons you were disqualified
from the competition:
[Men will check those that apply]
[ ] Your failure to reach for your purse in even a feigned attempt
to pay for dinner by the fourth date displayed a stunning ignorance of
[ ] Your inadvertent admission that you "buy condoms and K-Y Jelly by
the truckload" indicates that you may be slightly over-qualified for
[ ] You failed the 20 question rule, i.e., I asked you 20 questions
about yourself before you asked me more than one about myself.
[ ] The only question you did ask was how much money I make.
[ ] You neglected to reach over and unlock my car door from the
inside after I opened the passenger side door for you.
[ ] My breasts are bigger than yours.
[ ] Your height is out of proportion with your weight.
If you should, however, happen to gain the necessary 17 vertical inches,
please resubmit your application.
[ ] Your repeated comments such as, "Is it still called a penis when
it's this small?" were both uncalled for and thoughtless.
[ ] The way you enthusiastically jumped on stage at the alternative
bar and danced with the lesbians demonstrated that you are far too
impressionable and have a disconcerting lack of commitment to
[ ] Your revelation that you would certainly allow your ex-boyfriend
to shack up with you again after he "beats that domestic abuse rap"
shows compassion but it does make it difficult to take you seriously.
[ ] Although your inability to achieve orgasm was of paramount
importance to me, your suggestion that we invite the basketball team
into the bedroom so it would be "just like college" seemed somewhat
extreme and inappropriate.
[ ] I am out of your league; set your sights lower next time.